Sortir du réactionnel ! Quelle est votre dynamique relationnelle ?
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Sortir du réactionnel ! Quelle est votre dynamique relationnelle ?


Mieux communiquer en sortant du réactionnel

Dans cet article, je vous propose de découvrir la notion de réactionnel, afin de repérer ce phénomène dans votre vie, et de pouvoir en sortir.



Qu’est-ce que le réactionnel ?
Le réactionnel peut être défini comme l’ensemble des comportements que nous avons lorsque nous sommes touchés émotionnellement et que nous n’écoutons pas ce ressenti. Nous sommes alors dans la répression de notre vécu intime, et dans la réaction. 

Cela est fréquemment le cas car nous sommes avons souvent été éduqués dans l’idée que les émotions sont une marque de faiblesse et que de toute façon il ne faut pas trop s’écouter mais plutôt faire plaisir aux adultes qui nous entourent.

Voilà pourquoi beaucoup de personnes ont le réflexe de ne pas écouter leurs émotions et sont vraiment en difficulté avec cette partie d’elles-mêmes. 
Cependant, les émotions ne se laissent pas refouler ainsi à la frontière de nous-mêmes  elle vont réussir à « parler » quand même, à s’exprimer d’une façon qui sera souvent beaucoup plus violente…au détriment de la qualité des relations que nous entretenons, avec nous-même et avec autrui.

Comment se manifeste le réactionnel ?
Le réactionnel a de multiples visages. 
Il peut se manifester par : 
-des comportements du type : énervement, agacement, bouderie, manifestations de colère, accusations de l’autre, prise à partie, agressivité voire violence… 
Dans ce cas, l’absence de reconnaissance des émotions qui nous traversent aboutit à faire porter à l’autre la responsabilité de ce qui nous habite.
Exemple : dire à l’autre « tu m’énerves ! « 

- des manifestations physiques : rougeurs, pâleurs, tremblements, sueurs froides…

Ces manifestations peuvent même être un peu spectaculaires : pertes de connaissance, évanouissements, coupures de la pensée, amnésie… 
Dans ce cas, il est possible que nous soyons vraiment coupés de nos émotions, à tel point que la seule manifestation possible passe par le corps.

L’inconvénient du réactionnel, c’est qu’il ne permet pas de communiquer sainement, il peut générer des conflits et des incompréhensions. 
Notre réaction peut dépasser complètement ce que nous aurions voulu. 

C’est pourquoi l’enjeu de la communication est de passer du réactionnel au relationnel.

Passer du réactionnel au relationnel
Si nous écoutions nos émotions, alors nous pourrions dire ce que nous ressentons vraiment sans accuser l’autre, sans nous accuser non plus… 
Nous pourrions simplement dire : je suis triste, je suis en colère, je suis joyeux, j’ai peur… sans jugement négatif par ailleurs. 
Nous serions alors dans l’acceptation.
C’est pourquoi la première étape d’une communication apaisée, relationnelle…est l’écoute de soi
Écouter pour accepter ce qui se passe en soi.
Écouter et entendre ce qui résonne à l’intérieur de soi…pour pouvoir en témoigner, en disant "je". 

La question à se poser, lorsque l’on est dans le réactionnel, afin de pouvoir en sortir, est :
« Qu’est-ce qui est touché en moi? « 
 Et même si vous n’avez pas la réponse immédiatement, vous pouvez laisser cheminer en vous ce questionnement. 
Ce sera déjà une étape importante de franchie… qui permet de se recentrer au lieu de jeter sa réaction sur l’autre.
 
 


Quelle est votre dynamique relationnelle ?
Jacques Salomé a mis en avant l’existence de 5 dynamiques relationnelles différentes et je les partage avec vous aujourd’hui. C’est un outil intéressant pour pouvoir connaître un peu mieux comment on fonctionne.
A noter : chacun peut se retrouver dans ces 5 dynamiques… mais généralement il y en a une qui domine parmi les autres dans notre façon de vivre le relationnel.

1) La dynamique de l’éponge
Si vous êtes de ces personnes qui passent du rire aux larmes au gré des humeurs des uns et des autres… vous avez sans doute un tempérament éponge. 
Cela signifie que vous vous sentez touché par chaque chose qui se déroule autour de vous : votre voisine qui va mal, la guerre, les enfants maltraités, mais aussi par les événements positifs : la réussite de telle personne, une naissance…
Parfois, vous pouvez être tellement affecté par ce qui se passe autour de vous que les personnes hésitent même à vous confier certaines choses.
La difficulté est le manque de protection vis-à-vis des autres et donc une sérénité impossible à trouver à l’intérieur de soi.
Des pistes pour sortir de l’éponge : développer sa capacité à se protéger, prendre du temps pour se relier à soi, en méditant par exemple….et commencer à entendre ce qui résonne tant à l’intérieur de soi.


2) La dynamique du filtre
Vous êtes plutôt filtre si vous avez tendance à retenir le négatif dans beaucoup de situations… et à laisser passer le bon. Être dans la dynamique du filtre, c’est être pessimiste, faire beaucoup de critiques et être dans la victimisation.
Cela fait fuir les gens autour de soi et malheureusement, quand on ne voit que le négatif, on a souvent tendance à attirer des situations qui nous donnent l’occasion de nous plaindre 
Des pistes pour changer de dynamique : commencer à ouvrir les yeux sur le positif. Je vous propose par exemple, de remercier chaque soir pour 5 choses positives que vous avez vécues dans la journée.


3) La dynamique de l’entonnoir
L’entonnoir se laisse traverser par les événements, bons ou mauvais, sans jamais sembler être affecté ou atteint. Il s’agit d’une forme d’anesthésie. C’est l’inverse de l’éponge, qui elle, est affecté par tout ce qui se passe. L’entonnoir, lui, n’est ébranlé par rien. Il se prive autant des joies que des peines.
Des pistes pour changer de dynamique : faire une pause, ralentir le rythme. Il s’agit de (re)créer un lien avec soi-même, pour commencer à ressentir des choses. J’inviterai à une démarche artistique et /ou corporelle, pour commencer à ressentir via le dessin, la danse, la poterie ou autre…


4) La dynamique du tamis
Le tamis est celui qui retient le bon et laisse passer le mauvais. C’est très agréable de vivre cette dynamique, pour soi-même et pour les autres. C’est la dynamique de l’optimiste. Notons au passage qu’il ne s’agit pas de nier les difficultés ou les problèmes, il s’agit plutôt de ne pas focaliser son attention dessus et de laisser une plus large place à tout le bon, le moelleux de la vie…
Je ne vous propose donc pas de changer de dynamique si vous êtes plutôt tamis  sauf si vous souhaitez devenir un alambic.
Je vous invite plutôt à continuer à cultiver cette dynamique, en fréquentant des personnes positives, en remerciant pour tout le bon de chaque jour…


5) La dynamique de l’alambic
L’alambic a cette capacité fabuleuse, ce génie de transformer le mauvais en bon. De chaque situation, il saura tirer le positif et retenir l’essentiel.
Ce sont souvent des personnes qui ont vécu des choses difficiles, qui les ont traversées en leur donnant un sens et qui en sont sorties renforcées…. Elles peuvent alors remercier la vie car chaque événement qui survient dans notre existence nous apporte aussi un cadeau, même s’il est parfois difficile de le percevoir au début.
L’alambic sait tout cela, et, par cette connaissance profonde des choses, il est une vraie ressource pour les autres.
Si vous êtes un alambic, vous pouvez aider les autres et le monde par votre sagesse 

Et maintenant, je vous pose la question : quelle est votre dynamique dominante ?
 
Source  blog espere.com
 

 



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